Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the day after is always just damage control
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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