My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
