everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
