Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We're too hungover to prance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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