I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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