My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
