he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
