its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
