My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
