im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
