Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my being single is dangerous.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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