im drinking this country out of the recession.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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