Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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