Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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