everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
