I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're too hungover to prance.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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