More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
