I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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