I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
