I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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