Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it because I queefed?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
