before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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