This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
