she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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