Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know her cup size but not her name....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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