Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
