If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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