I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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