dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
