Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
