A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
