He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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