I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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