If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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