Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
