Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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