He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
