what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
