How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
