Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
