Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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