No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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