New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
