why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
