I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
