I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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