I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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