Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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