dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
