My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
