Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
