I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
