I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
