I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
