# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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