I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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