***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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