could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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