I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
