It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
