So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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