So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
