I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
