Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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