I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
