So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
