its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
