Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
