my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
