He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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