see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
