I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
