I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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