Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
