watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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